I still don’t feel like I know what I’m doing most of the time. Typically if I experience success at anything I chalk it up to happenstance, grace, serendipity, or an accident. One of the things I’d always assumed about getting older is that I’d have this sense that ok, NOW I’ve got my act together; as if I’d somehow slip into myself and feel comfortable there. I’m still waiting for that to happen.
It’s really helped, though, that two people have recently described me as capable. One is a new-ish friend who seems to see things pretty clearly, and the other is a high school classmate who I haven’t seen or spoken to for seventeen years. What are they seeing that I can’t, or that I refuse to see?
During this year, I have a goal – to accept people’s assessments of me without letting them be colored by my own self-doubt. A related goal: don’t worry so stinking much about failure. Fear and doubt are prisons to which I do not wish to return.